How Ebira women mourn the dead

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Ebira women are highly proficient in the art of mourning the dead. There are women, who, in their grief, will roll and roll on the ground – yelling like mad people. Those ones wouldn’t shed much tears, but they can be very wild to the point of threatening to kill themselves. They have to be restrained by a flock of mourners, mostly their kinswomen. The hullabaloo created by this category of mourners is a major feature in any traditional mourning scenes.

There are others who will wail at the top of their voice for the first two days of the bereavement. This could lead to their losing their voice due to  excessive crying. They would then resign themselves to another phase of silent mourning, with irregular breaks of wailing in a hoarse voice. This breaks will only take place when anybody comes to condole with them. Anyhow, they would also have to be assigned volunteer – bodyguards to restrain them from harming themselves in the first few days.

The third category of mourners are spectacular sight in any traditional mourning scene. These ones would not really be crying as in the shedding of rain of tears, but the irony of it is that they are truly bereaved. In this class of mourners will be present the largest flock of sympathizers. Among the women folk, who have come to commiserate with a bereaved woman in this category will be the community gossips who have always had their ears to the ground. Those who are truly concerned will be seen sitting or hanging together with the bereaved woman. Those her mostly her next of kin. About four or six of these kinswomen would hold on to her as firmly as a vice to restrain her from growing wild: but one thing “body-guards” have always failed to realize is that a bereaved woman in this category will never tend to go violent or get out of control.

The bereaved woman in this category will cry persistently for few hours on the first day of her bereavement. She will later quiet down for a while, completely befogged. After she is got her second wind, she will not exhaust her energy crying wildly again, but start with low sobs that will be rising in pitch as she goes on. Any of the gossips present who can listen carefully enough may pick up a word or two as she mutters miserably throughout the sobs. She will resume again with another spell of sobs that will shake her uncontrollably, evoking tears from the other women around her. Getting tired out from the effort, the sobs will gradually subside and she will at this point stare blankly at the faces of the people around. This will be the time for the dirge.

Even the most wicked of people will be touched with emotion on hearing the “song” of a bereaved woman in this class of mourners. It requires a superhuman effort to be able to hear out the “song” if one is the type that easily defers to one’s emotions. The unrepentant gossip who have waited for this moment, would not do themselves any good by giving way to their nerves: they would seriously have to prick up their ears.

The song of the mourner will begin with a set of rhetorical questions. The grieving woman will call the name of the deceased repeatedly, asking if it is fair for the person to have deserted her so suddenly. At this point, she will pause again to stare blankly into space. She will continue again by accusing the deceased of cowardice. If the deceased was her husband, she will accuse him of running away from the responsibility towards the family he has suddenly left behind. Staring into space as if she could see him, she will ask who will take of the children now that he is gone. This question will awaken the other women to their emotions that have lying dormant for sometime now. The atmosphere in the room will become charged as the bereaved woman continues to accuse the dead of a chain of inevitable crimes like: leaving her behind all alone in this cruel world, leaving the burden of the children’s up-bringing for her alone and departing from this life without putting her wise to his plans and at this juncture, she will break into fresh nerve-raking sobs and wailings that will echo through the compound. As if on cue, the other women will follow suit. And it is largely a matter of common sense that the body-guards tighten their grip on her to hold her in.

When this round of wailing have subsided the woman will relapse into another spell of quietude by staring into space again. Now totally weary, she will continue her song by singing in retrospection. In an emotion laden voice, she will sob out how they have lived together before his death, recounting all she could remember about their past lives together. If she was with him in his last hours, she will explain into the ears of the gossips how he had died. Raising the pitch of her voice, she will sob her heart to the climax by calling on the deceased to ensure that he avenge his death as soon as he settle down there. This climax will be accompanied with more wailing from the women around and in the commotion, the bereaved woman will earnestly beseech the dead man to disallow his killer from having a moment rest and so on.

That is that. The suspiscion has been there all along otherwise the flock of gossips will not be present. The woman will now start to make impersonal remarks about the cause of his death. If the suspected cause is known, she will make a few allusions to it and if she cannot achieve results, she may become reckless and make an open accusation, not caring a tear-drop whose fowl’s rump is exposed by the tempest of mourning.

Really, it could be very pathetic and spectacular; and a cold-hearted fun-seeker might consider having a fully-recorded tape of the event for later entertainment after the mourning period.  

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Adapted from Beyond The Mask by Ustaz Ibn Malik